Predator: I thought the artwork and the stories kicked ass–just like I do with Alien on a regular basis–HAH!–however, I noticed you didn’t write any parts for me or Alien into your new series.
Alien: Yeah, we’re a little hurt. Remember, I helped you win that Eisner Award for your graphic story album Aliens: Tribes. Nice work with writer Steve Bissette…
Dave Dorman: I’d include you guys in a New York minute, but you have that contractual thing happenin’ with your movie studio. Since you liked the artwork, I’ll forward both of you my “Tales of the Wasted Lands” from Atomeka Press, which is a collection of three Wasted Lands stories with a color portfolio coming out in October.
Predator: Cool. Let me leave you with my home address this time so my agent doesn’t permanently borrow my copy.
Alien: What else ya’ got cookin’, paint-boy?
Dave Dorman: Promise not to get pissed?
Alien: I’m not promising anything except for some seriously stale White Castle farts in your van for the ride back to the studio.
Dave Dorman: Okay, let me reiterate, I would have written you in if I could…
Predator (nods, knowingly) to Alien: He’s stalling…
Dave Dorman: Well…it’s a new Wasted Lands sci- fi action adventure novel, featuring my popular character Iguana, called…just don’t get mad, guys… “A Thousand Angry Teeth.”
Alien hisses (dripping with slime and sarcasm): Gee, I wonder who inspired that title?
Predator to Alien: Last time I checked with the dentist, you weren’t the only one with a mouthful of sharp teeth, you cocky bastard!
Alien (revealing menacing, dripping teeth, slowly rising up from his chair): That****in’ does it!
Dave Dorman: Hey, look!!! Isn’t that Harold and Kumar at the White Castle drive thru’?!?
POV: Alien and Predator–both cursed with short attention spans–look toward the drive thru’ window, distracted just long enough for Dorman’s quick get-away. Dorman flips them some cab money as he casually exits the fine dining establishment, relishing the fact that his van will be Alien fart-free for the drive home.
Approaching sirens wail, tables overturn, plate glass windows shatter and fry jockeys quiver beneath the stainless steel counter at the White Castle as Alien and Predator stage their own private, kick-ass sequel. Were it not for the 20th Century Fox-licensed monsters, it would definitely resemble a scene from Dorman’s action-packed sci-fi series, The Wasted Lands. Don’t believe it? See for yourself: http://wastedlands.com.