Alice Cooper Lawn Care, Anyone?

A friend sent me a lawn care promo he recently received in his mailbox. I’ve been unable to stop looking at it for the past 18 hours now. It will be one of my touchstones (like my collection of Jack Handey Deep Thoughts books) whenever I’m bummed out and need a good laugh. It’s already saved in my phone photo favorites.

I have many ideas to help this landscaper improve upon this theme, if ever asked. First off, he should probably get Alice Cooper’s permission to include Alice in his promos. Secondly, there’s the misspelling of maintenance and that errant apostrophe (to name just a few of many issues).

But since I’m all about experiential design, I have some ideas that might actually enhance his lawn care business. But before I unleash, here’s the document I’m referring to. And no, before I get dragged into a lawsuit, I don’t have the address or contact info for this promo.

Hmmm…there’s a staple mark in the upper left hand corner…what was attached?!? An “Alice Coopon”?!?

My Ideas for an Alice Cooper-Themed Lawncare Service:

  • There should be a fake dollar bill attached, with Alice’s face in the middle. Underneath would be the slogan, In Alice We Trust. This would be the “Alice Coopon” for $10 off on the first mow.
  • During California rainy season, they should run a Generation Landslide special.
  • Their value-add pest control service would be called No More Mr. Nice Guy. 
  • The  School’s Out for Summer recruiting program for new hires is a must.
  • The workers must agree to wear heavy black eye makeup that melts in the hot sun. After all, they need to look the part.

One of my friends pointed out that this rock ‘n roll-themed lawn care marketing must be a thing. He sent me this image, which ALSO has me dying:

“And I’m mowing…in a most peculiar way…”

In all seriousness, Alice Cooper would never have a career in this day and age. Only Women Bleed would be deemed misogynistic, Cold Ethel too sick, and someone would surely get triggered by his School’s Out for Summer lyric, “School’s been blown to pieces.” As a kid, I used to ride my bike with my brother up and down our long, gravel driveway, singing School’s Out for Summer at the top of  my lungs. Those were different times. God, I miss those days of innocence and blissful ignorance.

 

 

 

 

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